EX Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Is it possible that I am addicted to something I've never truly had?..not willingly any ways.
This sux because guys actually like me,but i turn their like into lust and then end up wanting some emotions that come with sex.
This guy likes me right now but I only like when he touches me,and when he does touch me I imagine it being someone else,my "ex boyfriend".
is this insane?
am I?

So i had i boyfriend,had,and so we live close to each other. On weekends we walk to the park and just hang out and talk or make fun of people, which i know is mean. But, today we went to the park and usually when we walk he always talks about his weekend so far but today he was quiet. So we got to our usual bench, i sat down then he sat down. He grabs my hand and starts to give me a bunch of bull shit. Like "baby i love you but i just can do this because my mom dosent like you" and i knew that was bull shit cause he dosent tell his mom crap and she's never met me.

So Last Semester I Was Failing Like 2 of my classes so my parents said if i pass i could get a Chinese water dragon(its a lizard) So when i finally got it i got a sick one and it died after a week which really broke my heart.So then THE NEXT F***ING DAY i found out that this girl who broke up with me 2 years ago but i still f***ing love her is going out with this kid who i hate.So i am wicked pissed off and sad.

ok so on valentines day isn’t everyone supposed to have a great day? well i guess not my bf and i broke up he ended up cheating me it sucked but he did tell me but know he says yeah we r still friends but he is acting like a total a** he isn’t himself and he knows how i feel and he knows I’m hurt cuz he promised me he wouldn’t hurt me again yes again this is our 4th time going out =/ not the first cheat though but he promised he wouldn’t do it i trusted him and he did it so yep